Living in Canada
Replace Florida with Seattle and you’ve got me.
“Moved to Florida. I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada.”
DEAR DIARY
Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited.
It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic.
Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada. It is the most beautiful place on earth.
The leaves have turned all colours and shades of red and
orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside
and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are
the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise.
I love it here.
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon.
I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous
creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here.
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything
blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went
outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled
the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the
snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway
again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada.
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his
trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the
driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm
exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snow plough.
Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got
blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling.
I think the snow plough hides around the corner until
I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas! More frigging snow.
If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives
the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know
why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt
the fucking ice.
Dec. 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three
days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that
snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere,
the car's stuck in a mountain of white shit and it's so
frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect another
10 inches of the shit again tonight. Do you know how
many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
Dec. 28 - That fucking weatherman was wrong. We got
34 inches of the shit this time. At this rate it won't melt
before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the
road and that bastard came to my door and asked to
borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already
broken six shovelsshoveling out all the shit he had
pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last
one over his fucking head.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the
store to get food and on my way back a damned deer
ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the
car. Those fucking beasts should be killed. The bastards
are everywhere. Wish the hunters had exterminated them
all last November.
May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you
believe the thing is rusted out from all that fucking salt
they put all over the roads.
May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in
their right mind would ever want to live in such a God
forsaken place as Canada.
